Rural Iowa

            Corporate America gives rural communities the shaft. Their corporate greed forces people to leave. For those who stay, they get a worse education and more resentment towards society.

            I am one of those people. I got a worse education, but I was able to leave. I also have a conflict of interest. I grow seed for one of the largest seed producers in America, and while I am glad to do my part, it is also harming the community. I do this living in a city supplied by a water source who tried to sue watersheds to have less nutrient runoff. I am on both sides of the equation.

 I would love to move back to where I grew up, but there are no opportunities for my talented wife to get paid for her skill level. Nor would I be able to do comedy, my A/V work, or volunteer in a wide variety of places.

            I struggle with this decision every day, but I’m in a better position than most. Some people who grew up in a small town do not have this chance. They do not realize Corporate America is hollowing out the towns and not those, evil coastal, big city libs, and the media overlords. These corporations may be coastal, but not exactly what these people are being fed from the media they are consuming.

There used to be four farms on every square mile, and businesses in each town supporting these farms. More jobs, more employment. Unfortunately, the rich got richer, and the poor got poorer. Consolidation started happening and less and less people had access to living the American dream. The rich got the money, the equipment, and the land. Plus, mechanization hollowed out the need for more people on the farm. As more of the wealth falls under the few in the name of greed, less people in small towns want to stay. Better opportunities exist elsewhere.

These bigger farms lead to more chemicals and nutrients, less supervision on the land. The big farmers are trying to cover more and more land not giving each piece of land the respect it deserves. This results in worse water quality and affects every farmer and citizen living in town. This is the grain side.

Turn to the animal side and “Oh boy!” All those hog confinement buildings stinking up everything from miles away. Hogs crammed into confinement buildings with no ounce of care like a farmer from the past. Now the big hog farmers want to bring in more foreign seasonal workers because no American worker can legally be subjected to that low pay. I am not a lawyer, but those workers are getting hosed.

            Farms are no longer the cute family striving away and caring for the land. The big honchos up top make the money whether an investment firm, large ag companies, or one rich dude. Not the people putting in the most work. Everyone deserves the wealth. Look at the county fairs. Walk around any of the animal buildings and there are less animals than fifteen to twenty years ago. Why? The money does not exist for a family to make a living farming and participate in these activities.

            It makes me angry I cannot realistically move back to my hometown for financial and personal reasons. It also makes me angry all this land is not used to feed people in poverty and feed locals. Ultimately, the individual person should, but maybe with the government help, set aside a few acres to grow foods to feed those who are food insecure. Unfortunately, the incentive does not exist.  

            This next sentence is nothing new. Rural flight has gone on for the test of time, and the wealthy have never been richer. The playing field needs to be leveled. The rich individuals, businesses, and investment firms are not saving anyone. They have taken enough, and these small towns deserve more.

            Our land and commodities grown off this land are like oil deposits and these rich entities are the oil barons. These barons deplete the resources while the ones who live there struggle to survive. I am in a good place, but I want others to be like me. I want people to live a good life and not live full of resentment. We are on this world together and we are on the same team. The more fortunate, Corporate America, need to give back and reinvest in the communities they rob. It is what we deserve.

Religion

Religion is funny. Not comical, but in an interesting way. Growing up, I went to church all the time. Not because I wanted to, but because we had to. When I got to high school, I couldn’t bail. Instead of going to the high school Sunday school class, I chose to join the choir instead. I'd rather sing my heart out off pitch than go to a Sunday school class.

So yeah. Religion has never been at the forefront of my brain. But I'm not like one of those self-righteous bearded white men who are like "God doesn't exist. You just end up six feet under and that is it." That's not me. I believe religion or the new age term (for the millennials), spirituality, is important. Having a moral compass is important.

That is where I credit the church with giving me direction. My compass leads me to make the choices I want to make each day by helping others, being a good person, and enjoying life. That's the most important in my book. Do I need to attend church every week to feel this way? Absolutely not.

People think going to church means you are set to walk through the pearly gates. That is not the case. Bad people can go to church. Bad people can lead a church. When I see a megachurch pastor with a huge house or wealthier than most of their parishioners, that's an issue. Money in church is an issue. Church in politics is an issue. Specifically, Christianity. The fact that Trump had the support of the Christian right should concern everyone.

If you have a problem with that statement, read David French. He's done a great job explaining why the belief of Donald Trump saving/protecting Christianity in America is a bad idea. We are supposed to all care for one other, the poor, the weak, the feeble. When we lose sight of that in pursuit of power, America has lost its way. Just because someone acts like they are defending Christianity, does not make it so.

Now will I ever go back to church regularly? Probably not. Will I have my child baptized? Who knows? I feel like I should just to cover my bases, but is that religious at that point? Kind of like when I pray to God to help me open this stuck door or find my wallet. I believe he is helping me, but is he? At worst, it gives me more peace. That's what we need more of, peace. Why not throw some understanding and love for one another. You don't have to be religious to be a good person just as if you are religious does not make you a good person. Be happy, love each other, and celebrate each other's successes. As Troy Bolton would say, "We are all in this together."

Die Hard

            Die Hard is not a Christmas movie.

            Exhibit 1 - From Google: New York City policeman John McClane (Bruce Willis) is visiting his estranged wife (Bonnie Bedelia) and two daughters on Christmas Eve. He joins her at a holiday party in the headquarters of the Japanese-owned business she works for. But the festivities are interrupted by a group of terrorists who take over the exclusive high-rise, and everyone in it. Very soon McClane realizes that there's no one to save the hostages -- but him.

            Do I see Christmas party? Hell no. Yes, Christmas Eve is mentioned, but no Christmas party. Just holiday party. If this is truly a Christmas movie, Mr. McClane would be attending a Christmas party, not a holiday party. PC culture be damned.

If there was a Venn diagram of “everyone who claims Die Hard is a Christmas film” and “Anti-PC culture,” this diagram would very much a circle. I’ll leave a teeny tiny sliver, but a large circle nonetheless. This film doesn’t even believe it is a Christmas film. They don’t even put Christmas party in their description. It is hard for their Venn diagram fans to realize this fallacy.

            Exhibit 2 – I can watch Die Hard whenever I want. A true Christmas film only can be watched from Black Friday through Christmas unless you are one of those Hallmark movie fanatics. You are then allowed to watch starting the day after Halloween. I don’t watch Elf come middle of July. I wait until a cold December night.

Like Home Alone, Die Hard can be watched at any time. Just because it takes places on Christmas Eve does not mean it is a Christmas film. It needs the recipe of a true Christmas movie like a sappy love story, douchy boyfriend, and some weird hook to the main love interest like a secret prince, time traveling knight, or the nutcracker the ballet, “The Nutcracker,” is based on comes magically to life. Those are all true love interests. Die Hard has none of that recipe.

            So, get over yourself, Die Hard is not a Christmas movie.

Lying

            President Donald J. Trump is a liar. This man lies constantly, and it ruins our society more than other people believe. The people in the media, Democrats, anyone who finds Trump is not fit to be president knows he has a penchant for lying. They all call him out on it, and it does not matter.

            It does not matter because we do not let it matter. More specifically, the American populace does not care. Anyone who is not tuned into politics with the smallest antenna does not realize his lying is truly impacting their decisions. This is a, to take a word from Mr. Trump, huge problem.

            His lies trickle down through society like those non-existent tax cuts. Since no one cares, he gets away with it. No other first world country suffers from COVID-19 like the United States of America. Seriously, look at any per capita graph. We have 5% the population of the world and 20% of the deaths. This is not supposed to happen. Unfortunately, President Trump lies and says we need to bring the economy back.

            People need to work, but when the situation is right. It definitely was not right when he started pushing for the economy to come back. His sycophants followed suit, and people believed the worst was behind us. It was not. The most frustrating part is if we would have crushed COVID-19 from the onset, set up a robust testing, and contact tracing system, our economy would be back in force. Hell, maybe more sporting events would have fans. Instead, we still hold sporting events with fans who are spreading COVID-19, and our economy is floundering. We simply keep fumbling the COVID-19 football.

            Now people are worried about voting by mail come November. There is absolutely no proof voting by mail is full of all kinds of fraud. Friends and acquaintances are concerned by this development. Why? Trump. He lies constantly about voting by mail is rife with fraud, and it oozes through the American psyche. The average person does not take time out of their day to understand the harm this and the rest of Trump’s lies inflict on our lives.

            Every politician lies. That is a fact. So does every other person in every other business field. Dunking on politicians for lying is like dunking on the media for being the media or dunking on Nickelback for being Nickelback. Trump is worse. He lies and lies and lies. He lives in another universe, and nothing showed worse than the first presidential debate. He did not go into the debate to win. He went into to turn off undecided voters. That was it. Guess what. He mucked it up. A terrible experience for everyone especially the viewers. He did all of this by lying and lying and lying. That is it.

            We’re taught as children to have a code of ethics. Trump was never taught this code. For that reason, Trump should not be rewarded a second term. He is a national disgrace.

Mask Up

            It is not a me issue, it is an us issue. This is the mask debate. I should not be writing this so far into the mask debate as most of the country has issued mask mandates. Yet, here I am. My wife and I recently took a vacation up to the Upper Peninsula. The nature was beautiful, the water was cold, and everyone wore a mask. Glorious, all the way around.

            Yes, one of the small towns I was, no one in the shop wore a mask, but the worker wore his mask when he saw I wore mine. Not the case in Iowa. This is what we should all be doing, but for most who oppose masks, this is about “personal rights.” The lamest excuse in the book. I get America is a very individualistic country but come on.

            Wearing a mask has never been about me. Masks suck. I wear my glasses, and they instantly fog up when I mask up. This is a failure of not a perfect mask. I also hate making conversations harder with a mask, but in the end, I do not want others to get sick. This is my only reason for wearing a mask.

            I have heard of and had conversations with people, who do not wear masks, who say they are not worried about getting sick. No duh. Me too. I do not believe I will get deathly ill from COVID-19. I also do not want the guilt of knowing I spread the virus to a bunch of different individuals because I chose not to wear a mask.

            This is not some huge movement where we do not see the effects until twenty years in the future. The proof is in the pudding. The statistics have shown places with mask mandates have seen cases gone down. Put away those personal grievances and wear a mask. This is almost too easy. In fact, it is.

            The only way this pandemic ends sooner than the arrival of a vaccine if we mask up. The economy has not done the best because people are afraid of getting sick. If we all mask up, social distance a little, we will get healthier. Look at most other countries, they got through it, and yet, the most developed country in the world struggles.

            Credit is due to most of the country doing better than we were in July, but Iowa is still middling along. Mask up, Iowans. Care about others and let’s beat this virus together.

College Football

            I was originally going to write a post when the Big Ten and Pac-12 postponed their season, but as with life, I got super busy. Instead, I held off on writing for a couple weeks to see if cooler heads prevailed. And they have? Those pesky sports parents seem to not be protesting as much while not all college football conferences cancelled their seasons.

            I guess as a society, we’re still in a holding pattern.

            Maybe cancelling the football season was not as bad as we thought. While most of the country appears to be in a slightly better place than a couple weeks ago, playing college football feels like a wild experiment waiting to happen. Not paying players or providing them liability in case they get COVID-19 is a dangerous proposition. The NFL going full steam ahead makes sense. These are grown ass men wanting to making money. They have families to feed.

            These college kids want that responsibility, but they could ruin their career by getting COVID or harming their draft stock. But Sean?!? (in your cool voice) “In a regular season, these players could break their collarbone or leg, and that would be the same ordeal.” Not so. This is a pandemic. No one knows the long-term effects, and these “regular” football injuries are protected as much as they can be with gear. A respiratory disease sounds a lot worse.

            If there were some type of protections or payment, the case is settled. Otherwise, the schools, conferences, and television networks are milking these players while the administrators conduct their meetings virtually. Give the players some type of benefit.

            In college, I never thought athletes deserved compensation. Chad Owens, I think that was his name, gave a speech in my class about college athletes needing to be paid. (He was on the UNI football team.) At the time, I disagreed. Now, not so much. The whole NCAA, amateur experience is messed up. If players want to make money, they should have the opportunity. If they want to protect themselves by not being rushed to play for free for the sake of fans, they need to act. This is their moment to protect themselves and their future brethren.

            Granted, all these players are going pro in something other than their sport. Hi, NCAA. Unfortunately, these not as great athletes are still at risk for catching COVID-19. This might still impact their future earning potential. Colleges sports do not need to be played this fall.

            Unlike the spring where no path of how to move forward existed, now it feels like each day comes news of a testing or vaccine breakthrough. Slowly but surely, we will get to the end of the tunnel. When spring comes, hopefully, this pandemic is under control. If not, that will not be surprising. Let’s be safe and help each other out. This includes being okay with missing, hopefully, only a fall season or at worse, a whole year of college football.

            Do not worry, the NFL will finish their season whether we like it or not.

Money

            Our country has long been suffering. There have been good years, and there have been bad years. Unfortunately, for most people, it always feels a little worse. My life has not been too bad. Plenty of people have, sadly, had it worse than me. Unfortunately, most people blame others for their woes. Blaming and generalizing is easier than thinking critically about an issue. This happens a lot with the urban, rural divide.

            Much has been written about this topic This is not exactly new waters I am treading in. In reality, the differences between urban, rural are really not that much. Yes, rural blamed urban for that dang Obummer, and urban blamed rural for that dang Trumpster. Unfortunately, we all suffer. The populace was inspired by Obama’s hope. His term in office could have been better.

            The same for Trump. He inspired many with his rhetoric, and he provided people a chance to believe he was fighting for them (he is not). This is similar to Bernie’s 2016 campaign. The far left and far right are at the ends of a horseshoe. They are closer in some ways than people believe. The economic anxiety makes it seem possible why Bernie and Trump were hitting the same chord with different types of people.

            Honestly, the issue is not rural vs urban, it is workers vs big business. When American companies decided it was better to outsource to different countries and consolidate at alarming rates, America entered decline. Whether it is farming, local journalism, or our cereal companies, everyone has to go big or go home. No room exists for the little guy. Greed has taken over American big business. They have no corporate obligation to provide for the common well-being. These companies float terms like social responsibility, but they only are socially responsible when they know they can make money that way. True social responsibility is paying employees the best wages possible and providing great health care. These big businesses do not need to exploit their employees.

            People always chase the greenback and burnout. Money is everything, and we lose sight of why life matters. Maybe the lack of religion is part of the issue. Moral clarity helps people stay grounded, but honestly, money is the issue. Someone always wants to make the money at the expense of an urban or rural person.

            The only thing to do is fight back. Shop local, buy local. Do everything in mind that keeps things local. Do not let the big guys win. Google any story about how much CEOs are making, and you will find the first reason why to fight big business. Every year it seems like it is more than the year before.

Does anyone deserve to make more than a $1,000,000 a year? Absolutely not.

            Whenever I hear someone makes more than $100,000, I am blown away. No one deserves that amount of money. I am not fighting for socialism; I’m fighting for moral clarity. Be the person who is modest or be the person to give the money to someone else. Help each other out. Help people in poverty. Modesty is cool.

            Sadly, the greed mindset will never change for some people. When one country, state, municipality, business changes it, the other countries, states, municipalities, businesses, will steal the upper talent. A race is always on to hurt the worker, but no race helps the worker. It sucks. Money is the worst.

            This is coming from someone who has lived a decent life.

Do I want to be poor? Absolutely not.

If I were mega rich, would I live a modest life? I would hope so. But maybe that’s the problem, money goes to the head.

            What a rant. What I’m saying is rural folks, urban folks, and everyone not making the big bucks needs to fight the big companies and everyone with more money than imaginable. Make them realize sharing is caring.

Kim Reynolds

            I don’t understand Kim Reynolds. When this pandemic started, it was weird when she didn’t shut down the state like the rest of the country. Granted, it was similar to the rest of the country, but she refused to call it what it was. I did not think that it was a terrible idea. People need to work and make money. I get it. We live in a capitalistic society where money means everything which is an unfortunate fact.

            Then she started to open everything up. Like way too early. In fact, so early, cases in Iowa were still hitting their peak. Sure enough, cases fell, due to the previous social distancing (love the two-week lag time!), and it looked like Kim was right. She stopped doing daily press conferences, and she went about her business as if the state was back to normal. COVID-19 had been stopped or at least, was seriously weakened.

            Yet, any eagle-eyed statistics observer realized as the cases went down, they never went below the CDC recommendation of 14 days below a 5% positivity rate to reopen. Based on science, it was only expected to jump back up. Lo and behold, the COVID-19 cases started to rise. Fortunately, Iowa, so far, has not become like Florida and Arizona where cases shot off like a rocket. Since late June, the positivity rate has crept up from the high 5%’s to mid 10%’s. This is not good. If one looks closer, testing has gone down in the last week or so. Need proof? Go look at John Hopkins positivity coronavirus tracker.

            But still, none of this scares Kim. She never mandated masks. It was up to Iowans to be responsible, but now her line of thinking is out of wack. She is demanding students and teachers go back to school. She wants the state to dictate over local control. This is hypocritical.  

            Let the school districts do their job. Kim Reynolds is committing political suicide She gains nothing from bullying schools. No one is happy with being forced by the governor to send their children back to school.

            If a school thinks it is safe to come back, let them. No one will blame you, Kim, if locally the decision is wrong. But by forcing schools to open up for in person learning, that’s committing to a no-win situation. Kim is not winning over the state’s rights people by forcing kids back into the classroom, and she is definitely not winning over anyone else to the left of them. Guess what, some school will have an outbreak sooner than later. Then that falls on Kim. If local control, no one blames Kim. Simple as that.

No governor knows every school district’s situation. Let the schools make their own decisions. That’s all everyone wants. Republicans, Democrats, Independents, or cows. The state government does not need to force this issue. I feel like a chump who thought Obummer was going to take my gun, but in this case, my feelings actually are rooted in facts.

            In the end, I don’t understand Kim Reynolds. The only through line I see is she is performing for a party of one, Mr. Trump. Who else has tried to play down the pandemic, push to reopen the economy sooner than later, stopped doing press conferences, pushed schools to reopen using government might, and starting doing press conferences again? None other the DJT. I don’t know if Kim Reynolds is angling for a cabinet position next year if 45 wins, or Kim Reynolds’ weird infatuation with Trump is fulling her Iowa GOP credo. Seriously, I don’t know what it is, but all I see is Kim Reynolds appeasing to Trump.

            Unfortunately for Kim, she never ran on the outsider, no-nonsense approach. She ran as Iowa’s friendly neighbor mom. I saw a few of her speeches, and I swear she dropped a few warshes and cricks to win over the common folk. It worked because Fred Hubbell was the exact opposite, and Kim possessed all the charisma Fred lacked.

            The COVID-19 pandemic has worn off Kim Reynolds’s façade. She recently obtained the lowest approval rating of all governors at a measly 28%. We all wanted to believe she was a nice mom who cared about every last one of us, but it turned out she’s only in it for herself. She only cares for a select few and performing for a party of one. I guess now I understand.

The Decision

            The decision. My wife and I have both done a good job of protecting ourselves against the COVID. Neither of us wants it. At the expense our protection, has come our social lives. I like to go to open mics, and she likes to go to happy hours. While drastically different in one explicitly says happy and the other implicitly means sadness, we love being around people.

            This has made it hard on us. As hard as other people? Absolutely not. Even with being laid off, and fortunately, finding a part time job, my wife still is wonderfully employed. I cannot complain.

            Typically, our last few summers have been busy than the previous one. This all came to a screeching halt with COVID-19, and we happily protected ourselves during this time. Quarantining was hard at the beginning. It was too cold to go outside. Summer pushed the cold aside, and we are able to experience the fresh, very humid air.

            While we mostly stopped ourselves from making indoor plans for extended period of time with our closest friends, we still have one last trip. It is when we go to a lake house. It is beautiful. My wife wants to go sooooooooo bad. I want to go to because heck, we’ll be outside most of the time. Obviously, COVID doesn’t stop outside, but it is harder to transmit. If we are going to be lenient with our rules one time, this makes sense. We’re not going to be stuck indoors all weekend long. We’ll be on the lake.

            Is it perfect? Absolutely not. But how long can we go on without bending the rules a little for our own social sanity? I wish forever, but that is not the case. My wife needs this more than anything. She’s been exceptionally cautious throughout all of this pandemic. This is the one thing which hasn’t cancelled, and it can be relatively safer than most other options.

            But yet, there is still a risk. Getting COVID from a weekend at a lake house sounds like a sad way to get COVID. Actually, it doesn’t sound sad at all. Is it worth it? Who knows? Is helping our mental health worth it? Yes.

            This is a decision everyone must come to terms with. Same with masks. I’m consistently in agreement with everyone should where a mask. I want people to be as smart as possible, yet, there are times when I say screw it. It is an inconvenience to me. Fortunately, this is less so than before, but this is why I can’t shame or blame anyone too hard for breaking pandemic rules. This is hard on all of us. We need to hold each other accountable while also realizing people need to cut loose.

            Will I go to the lake house? Probably. Do I see myself staying in the lake house with people? I’m not sure about that. Will it rain? I hope so. It will make an easier decision.

Missing

Here are some random things I have missed, in no particular order, since March 2020:

1) A regular paycheck.

2) Attending comedy shows.

3) Going to comedy shows and then meeting with friends at The Lift afterwards.

4) Playing basketball. I just started to get a group of guys playing together on the regular, and well, that’s not coming back any time soon.

5) Hanging out with comedy friends at comedy shows. I hate saying networking because it is really building friendships.

6) Eating out like literally anywhere. I miss you, Pizza Ranch, even though your political views do not align with mine.

7) Not wearing a mask to save the world.

8) Fong’s.

9) Picking an activity (i.e. seeing the new The Fast and the Furious film) to go do and not worrying about whether people are social distancing.

10) Hanging out with large groups of friends.

11) Hugging.

12) Believing science would save us all, and certain government officials would not screw it all up.

13) Beer Can Alley and Shotgun Betty’s.

14) Thinking most people understood science.

15) Going on vacation and being indoors with a bunch of strangers.

16) Pizza Ranch again.

17) Hosting an open mic.

18) Performing at great, good, and terrible comedy shows.

19) Being around family more often.

20) Not checking Twitter every day to see where Iowa’s case totals are at.

21) Hugging my grandma and my family.

22) Going to concerts and sporting events.

A Short Story

            Here’s a short story for ya. I don’t know. Typically, I write in the nonfiction sense, but today is just not that day. I want to try something new so don’t blame me if it doesn’t turn out well. My legs are also sore as hell from running today which was the first time in, oh, I don’t know, forever. Getting up from the couch is probably not going to happen after this, but here we go. This is a short story I call, “Switched”.

            One day there was a basketball god named, “Kyle.” I’m not talking like great at basketball like phi slamma jamma, make it rain from three all night long. I’m talking about an actual capital G O D, god. Now he wasn’t the only basketball god. There plenty of other basketball gods, and they all had their own basketball specialty. One was all about the three-point game, the other about making crisp, clean bounce passes, pointing those thumbs out, and there was definitely the one god who specialized in hydration. Water or Gatorade? Depended on the situation, but by god, this god was making sure you were not cramping.

            Not everyone got to visit the gods for advice. This isn’t a Nike camp, let alone a camp of any purpose. This was a camp for legends of the game. White Chocolate, he definitely was invited. Pistol Pete for sure was up there. It wasn’t just the LeBron types. One day, a non-legend was invited into the basketball god kingdom. It was a total accident. It was one of those someone’s mail went to the wrong address situations. So a man named, Darius, got the envelope.

            Now Darius knew how to play basketball. He started his junior and senior season of high school and could have played D-II, but he knew he wasn’t going pro. He wanted that accounting degree which he got and started to work for Ernst & Young. He still hooped on the side, but he never played seriously until this letter came in the mail. Darius had no idea what it was, but he got invited so why not take the chance.

            He went online to fill out the RSVP like every good wedding goer does and bam! He beamed himself right up to the heavens. He got there and Bill Russell was teaching Anthony Davis how to outlet pass, and most importantly, Jamaal Tinsley was teaching Dame Lillard how to perform the perfect crossover. Darius knew he snuck into the right place.

            “You got next!” yelled Kevin, the Durantula, Durant.

            “Oh shit,” thought Darius.

            But it didn’t matter. Darius got invited into the game and started balling. Was he overmatched? Absolutely. Did he care? No. He was playing with KD, Oscar Robertson, George Mikan, Maya Moore, and lots of other famous basketball players. Now, these are all in their prime basketball players. This is basketball nirvana. The best players can go here anytime, and when a basketball player dies, they go to this nirvana. Does that make sense? No? Doesn’t matter.

            But there was this one player who stuck out to Darius. Never saw him before, didn’t know who he was, but knew he was something. This guy’s name or should I say god’s name is Kyle. Kyle was good at basketball, but not better than the former NBA players except for one skill. That skill was switching. This god knew how to switch on defense. If someone yelled switch with him, he wasn’t half assing his way onto the new offensive player. Kyle was straight up inside the man’s shorts at that moment. His switching skills were unbelievable.

            Darius was scared. He never saw a basketball player/god this great at switching. As the game went on, Darius would try get a pick and roll set for him, and every time, Kyle switched onto Darius. Kyle ate his lunch and also tomorrow’s lunch. It didn’t matter. Darius had nothing. In fact, no one else had nothing. It was incredible how good Kyle was at switching. I mean was it? He is a god.

            Even MJ and LeBron couldn’t get a pick and roll off if Kyle was involved, but Darius had a plan. After three and half quarters of Kyle eating Darius’ lunches on switches, Darius was ready. Darius dribbled the ball up to the top of the key with the turn of possession. He looked to see who Kyle was guarding. It was the Servant himself, Kevin Durant so he called up KD for the pick.

            KD came up for the pick and Kyle grinned ear to ear to switch on to Darius and eat his delicious roast beef sandwich. As Darius started to go towards the pick, he picked up his dribble and stopped. Kyle stopped. KD stopped. Darius unnamed defender stopped. No one knew what was happening. No one stopped mid pick and roll in basketball. Time literally felt frozen for how long he stopped. Darius winked at Kyle, threw the ball off of Darius god like face, caught it, and drove through the gap between Kyle and the unnamed defender. He brought down the house with a rim rocking dunk. No one had ever done that to Kyle before.

            Darius’ team ended up losing by 15, but he proved the basketball god wrong. After the game, he immediately was beamed back home and slept. It was a good night. He woke up the next morning thinking maybe it was a dream that he went to basketball heaven. He looked at the wall and saw a new poster with him breaking through that switch and it said, “Switched.”